Every day I think I learn a little more what it must be like to be God watching his children. I see my son living his life and doing things he doesn’t even know that I know about. I get an insight into what he thinks and feels, and into what he’s doing when I’m not there with him. He’s doing things that he thinks would get him in so much trouble, and perhaps they should, but I know that now is not the right time to confront those things. I have to be careful not to tip my hand or he may run further and faster. Just like God sitting up in heaven watching me fumble around and mess everything up saying “I will be there to help you up when you fall, my son”, so to do I sit and watch, knowing he has made some bad choices and that many more lay before him, and hoping that he is able to make better choices going forward. He doesn’t believe when I tell him I love him. He doesn’t believe any of my advice. He doesn’t tell me anything that’s going on in his life. He doesn’t trust me with anything. How did we get to this place? It’s so far from where I ever wanted to be. It’s so far from where we should be. What things did I do, or am I doing, that contributed to this? Is it my fault? Could I have done anything to stop this? I should have prayed more.
God told me last December that something was wrong and that I needed to start working to fix it. I can hardly believe how right He was. The things I found out not long after that were frankly shocking. The events that came together that allowed me to discover them were odd and miraculous. I made a few seemingly simple and innocuous decisions that were clearly important things that God needed to have happen. Because I was making whatever mistakes I was with my son and would not have been able to do anything about them until it was too late, God finally had to take greater action and push me a little. I responded right away and began taking steps. I fully believe I was rewarded by catching this problem before it became irreversible and in time to bring him back around to where God wants him to be.
If I thought it would help, I would tell him that all his mom and I want is the best for him. I’d tell him that if it seems like we’re harsh sometimes, it’s because we’re trying to correct negative behaviors so that down the road he’ll have the best life possible. I’d tell him that a lot of the things that he thinks happened in his life, things he thinks have happened, or not happened, are either misconstrued, or flat-out wrong. My goodness, there are some things he thinks that are so far from the truth. Such intense lies I can only imagine coming from one place. Sometimes you think that you are strong enough to resist what the devil throws at you, but then you forget that he can also attack your family members. The younger ones are more likely to believe the lies and form their thoughts and opinions around those lies. If they are torn down by those lies, it can possibly tear me down as well. The devil doesn’t have to attack me directly to effect me. He’s a sneaky little punk, but I have more powerful weapons and allies and he will be defeated. He has no place in my life or the lives of my family or anywhere in my home. He won’t win here. He will be cast out.
This house and those who dwell in it belong to the Lord.